You're 1 Year Old

So I've been meaning to write a letter to Ty for his first birthday but have been putting it off. Well actually not really putting it off but more not having the time to sit down and write it because I'm always sleeping in my free time because Ty still won't sleep through the night. But I digress...

Dear Ty,
I can't believe that you are one year old. I've been tough, I've been strong I have not broken down about you not being a baby I have not been sad but its all a front. I miss my baby! I seriously can't believe you have been in my life for a whole year. It gets on my nerves when other moms talk about their babies growing up so fast and blah, blah, blah. I didn't think I'd be that mom who was all "oh my baby is growing up too fast, woe is me what am I going to do?!?" But I get it now. I barely even remember you being a baby. I think its because most of your babyhood I was so sleep deprived my brain didn't function properly so I was in a haze for most of it. I think this is God's way of making women want to have more babies. They're so sleep deprived to remember any of the hard times and only remember the good memories so once their babies are old enough, all they want in another one.

**Look how tired I look in this picture**

You grew up so fast. You are an old soul, you were like me and born grown up. Couple that with you sitting alone, crawling, walking and now talking so early it seems like I hardly had a baby at all. I remember bringing you home for the first time and I remember the sleepless nights (ha I remember them so well because I still have them) and I remember having to put you in the Baby Bjorn and vacuuming the floor just to get you to sleep. Your first 4th of July I was at home alone watching the New York City firework show, doing deep lounges to the background music trying to put you to sleep.  I remember walking at the park for the first time with you and the dogs. You were tiny! I put you in the bjorn and you had a little hat on and you slept the entire length of the park. I remember every day of that summer rocking you to sleep for every one of your naps and holding you for the entire length of them because I just didn't want to put you down. I remember giving you your first bath and wrapping you up in your (at the time) huge duck towel.

You still need me to rock you to sleep at night and I secretly love that. Sometimes I cry thinking that one day you won't need me to rock you and you won't need me to put you to sleep. It breaks my heart. Now don't get me wrong I love watching you grow up. I love watching your personality develop I love watching you learn new things and watching you enjoy life but my Lord its going so freaking fast! A quote that oma once told me always comes to mind "the days are long but the years are short" and I have never heard of anything more accurate about you growing up.

So to my sweet baby boy I love you more then you will ever know or until you have a child of your own. You make me and your father better people just for knowing you and we thank you for being such a good son. I love you!