My Prayer for Ty (yes its supposed to be funny, not serious)

First, Lord: No tattoos. I was always told that people with tattoos don't get jobs. Appealing to my vanity always worked with me, please let it be the same way with my son. 

Guide him , protect him
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators (especially when pulling rolling luggage I'm still scared of this), driving on winding country roads, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “TheDeath Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

When the Crystal Meth is offered one day, May he remember the parents who cut his grapes in half And stick with Beer 

Lead him to an occupation where he can make his own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes  

Let him color and be interested in toys for much too long, for childhood is short and adulthood is long and being interested in girls or having his heart broken can wait. .

Oh and should he choose to be a father one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see him, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” he will realize as he cleans feces off his baby’s neck.

 “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over him as it does each generation and he will make a Mental Note to call me. And he will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.